5. Rivalry

It's a big day in our house, one that could test our marriage as it has not been tested before. Michigan is playing Iowa.

Nate is a staunch Michigan fan. I grew up cheering for the Hawks. Things could be much worse, like if either of us was an Ohio State fan, and generally we accept and respect each other's athletic programs. The only exception to this rule, however, is when Michigan and Iowa face each other. Days like today.

Why yes, that is Adrian Clayborn's autograph on my shirt!

Though we do take our college football pretty seriously, this household rivalry is a lot of fun. (Though I am purposely writing this post before the end of the game as to not taint our thankfulness. :-) This mostly-friendly competition has led to a lot of bonding (and sarcastic comments) during the last 4 years.

I am thankful that a sport can bring us together even if when we're cheering for different teams. I am thankful that this year's game is at Kinnick so we at least have a chance. And I'm thankful I am the one writing this post so I can be the last one to say:

GO HAWKS!

4. My Past

Pasts can be a tricky subject to navigate, as everyone has some kind of baggage or another. Inevitably there are hurts and moments that have a lingering Do-Over Buttons blinking in my memory, and I'm guessing you have those as well. But I pray these are accompanied by a surpassing number of moments of laughter, revelation, and joy.

The photo book posted below was the graduation gift I gave to a few of my closest friends from Northwestern, girls I did life with for 4 years and women I still treasure to this day. At the time I didn't purchase one for myself, but an online deal helped me finish my personal version of the book. It just came in the mail today. (More mail! Woo hoo!)

Click here to view this photo book larger

College was much more than the smiles on these pages, but this book has served as a great reminder of one small part of my past that has crafted me into the person I am today.

A few of today's blessings:

• A dozen hugs from my kids
• Singing Christmas songs while dancing with our children's choir
• Another relaxing night with my hubby

3. Celebrations

I love coming up with reasons to celebrate whether it's something obvious like a birthday or something a little more obscure like "We've made it to the gym multiple times this week...let's celebrate with ice cream!" While some of my reasons get a little extreme, today the Summers household has a great reason to celebrate: Nate not only passed but dominated the Series 7 exam! We celebrated with a rare, weeknight date night.

I love dating this man. :-)

He has been diligently studying for the last several weeks, and I'm so proud that his hard work has garnered a successful result. Today I'm thankful for having so many reasons to celebrate, for good food to share and for time to laugh with my relaxed husband. My life is so very blessed.

Fall is so beautiful!

2. Mail!

 

Today's dreariness combined with extra hours with extra wound up kiddos and a tight evening schedule led to a slightly stressed drive home in the rain. Ugh.

When I finally arrived home, not only did I have a generous hubby finishing up the cooking, I had 2 pieces of mail...I love getting mail! Though a typical day only brings junk mail and bills, today brought a special treat: a package that arrived a day early and an unexpected note from a dear friend.

To make matters even more fitting, the package was my gratitude journal I recently ordered. I can't wait to start filling up those lines, naming blessings as I go!

I love how letters are a physical representation of the weight of the words they carry. It's such a special gift. I'm thankful for the little surprises the mailman brings, the words of dear friends, and the way a simple act can turn around a draining day.

"To learn how to be grateful and happy, whether hands full or hands empty. 

That is a secret worth spending a life on learning. 

Even if it takes a Rosetta Stone of decades...

Thanks is what multiplies the joy and makes any life large, and I hunger for it.

Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

P.S. Andi, you're a treasure! I'm so glad we only have to wait a month to see each other again!!! :-)

Counting Down by Counting Up

Happy November! It's hard to believe we're already beginning the holiday months, but I think November is turning into one of my favorite writing months. Last year I took a friend's advice and posted something for which Nate and I were thankful each day from Nov. 1 until Thanksgiving Day. (If you're interested/bored, you can read those posts here.)  After reading this book recently, I'm taking steps to make gratitude a more intentional part of my life, so I'm going to again count down the days until Thanksgiving by counting up my days' blessings! Will you join me? I'd love to have you leave comments about what you're thankful for or write posts of your own if you're a blogger! Here we go!

The View from Our Balcony Tonight

1. Stillness

I work with with kids everyday. 200 of them. Nothing about my job is quiet, and I'm generally ok with that. I love loving these kids loud. But tonight I'm home alone in our apartment and everything is still. No music, no washing machine, nothing. And I'm soaking it in.

You may remember that stillness and I aren't always on the best of terms. There are definitely times I still fight it with the same stubborn vigor I see in my niece when she has to eat meat instead of her beloved fruit. But in the last year I've learned a lot about how much I need the stillness, how we are created to need it.

So despite the crazy volume in my life, the full schedules, the hundred things I'm behind on, I'm thankful God gives us moments of stillness. The sunset tonight was beautiful. And as always, silent. It slips by so quickly, changing by the minutes. There is nothing yelling, "Hey, I'm a beautiful reminder of God's creation! You should pay attention now!"

Instead it coyly calls for your eyes. It waits for you to be still and see. He waits for us to be still and know. How beautiful.

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live

your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith

as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

Colossians 2:6-7

Starting Something New

While I have followed Angie Smith's blog for over year and read her updates about her book club, I have only observed this community from a distance. I've often toyed with joining, but it's never quite worked out timing-wise. Since I had already purchased this fall's book before the book club started, I no longer had an excuse to not try it out. So...here I go! 

I'm not exactly sure what it will look like, but I do know I'd love to have fellow companions. Would any of you like to join me? We can figure out this online book club together, and I'm guessing we'll learn more about each other and more about our God as we go. Both are positives in my opinion! :-) Since this week is only covering the introduction, you have plenty of time to catch up. Please leave a comment if you're interested and I'll be in contact. We're all in this together! (Yes, this is technically two High School Musical references in one post. Don't judge me. I work with kids. ;-)

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Fear is not something to which I easily admit. I 'm able to go with the flow without too much effort and I don't usually have anxiety issues. Over time, however, I have seen a pattern of struggle that I have only recently labeled as fear. 

For much of my life, I've heard the phrase "strive to reach your potential" more times than I can count. In fact, I think I said it to myself as much as I heard it from others. There is nothing inherently wrong with this phrase; it spurred much motivation and action on my part. Yet wanting to reach that elusive potential caused  me to completely freeze up while I analyzed all of my options and the subsequent possible outcomes. My mom calls it being "paralyzed by indecision." My golf coach calls it "paralysis through analysis." But it's proper name is fear.

I fear choosing the incorrect path, harming others with my decision, missing God's blessing, disappointing others, yes, but most of all disappointing God. And though I count it as blessing to be able to play out the variety of possibilities, when in my control, these possibilities turn into lingering doubts. Doubts morph into worry which transform into paralyzing fear that permeates the mind, prohibits action.

Yet this fear must dissolve when, and only when, I acknowledge I am not in control, do not have authorized control, will never have any semblance of control. Feigning control is simply my feeble, stubborn, ignorant, flailing attempt at being God when I stop trusting. But inexplicably, thankfully there is grace.

"All fear is but the notion that God's love ends...Fear thinks God is finite and fear believes that there is not going to be enough...In Me, blessings never end because My love for you never ends. If My goodnesses toward you end, I will cease to exist, child. As long as there is a God in heaven, there is grace on earth and I am the spilling God of the uncontainable, forever-overflowing-love-grace."

Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p. 161

Refusing to Let Go

I'm sitting here in my softly-lit apartment, my Bible beside me, quiet with the exception of simple piano music gently playing and subtle taps of my fingers against the keyboard. It is a time of peace, a time of stillness. Yet all I can think about is wrestling.

I have long been fascinated by the account recorded in Genesis 32 in which Jacob wrestles with God. The New Testament is full of God physically interacting with humanity through Jesus, but as I too often forget, God doesn't change. The God of the Old Testament is the same God of the New Testament. He has always sought relationship with His creation. He will always seek relationship with me, with you.

To set the scene for this story, remember that Jacob's twin Esau wasn't too happy with Jacob after due to some inheritance issues back in their younger years. (Read this for a full account) Now Jacob must pass through his brother's land and therefore face the past he had since avoided.

I feel it is important to note that before Jacob wrestles God, he is afraid, very afraid. But not of his God. He is afraid of the unknown, afraid of his perception of his wronged brother, afraid of facing the consequences of his actions. He is so afraid that he splits up his belongings and family so if one is attacked, the other will have more time to escape. He sends wave after wave of gifts to meet his brother in hopes of gaining favor before they actually meet face to face.

When he has sent everyone ahead of him, when he is finally alone, Jacob wrestles God who is on earth as a man. (Sound familiar?) This scuffle lasts through the night and ends with the Lord dislocating Jacob's hip after Jacob refuses to let Him go without a blessing. Refuses to let Him go. Can you imagine the audacity of this action? the courage? the seeming stupidity? And yet, the Lord blesses Jacob.

It appears so black and white, so straightforward when read on the page of scripture. This event is recorded without any hint of strangeness. Yet when you let your mind invade the page, there is nothing normal about it. Our perfect Lord and Savior walking on this earth, entangled with one He created, rolling in the dust, sweating while locked in an enduring struggle. Upon seeing the sun rise, He ends their match with a blessing Jacob doesn't seem to deserve, a name change. Israel. He strives with God.

I find such comfort in these odd 11 verses tucked in the Old Testament. I know that when I sit in a place of apparent peace and yet don't find any, when I lay awake on the night before a day I fear, that it's ok to wrestle with my God, that's it's worth it. In that struggle, I can't hold on to anything besides my God, the One I don't always understand. And eventually my resistant hands will give into His everlasting arms, my tense face will rest in His chest, and in that embrace I will stay, refusing to let go.