Thursday, February 23, 2012

Searching for a Word

As 2012 begins, I've been searching for my word. Bloggers who are far more with it than me declared their word for 2012 at the beginning of January. But as you noticed, Christmas didn't finish around here until somewhat recently, so this delay should come as no surprise. Come, wander with me as I search.

From the time I was young, I have loved the peace of the night. I dutifully shut off my lamp when my dad told me it was time for sleep, but after hearing his heavy footsteps reach the bottom of our perfectly creaky stairs, I reached back up to my light switch and read long into the depths of the night. I loved the silence, the stillness only broken by the shifting sounds of my house stretching its nearly 100-year-old frame in the wind. In this place, wrapped up in the blankets of a dark home, reading by a single light, is where God grew my tender heart. I was taught about our Savior in the day, but I learned to know Him in the night.

Adopting normal adult working hours has effectively (though unwillingly) curbed my somewhat nocturnal habits, but I still find the dark hours to be sacred. A thread of holiness weaves through the night in a still home. A thread that sews together the fabrics of security, freedom, and courage--security to be at peace, freedom to be transparent, courage to grapple with today's heart issue. There is holy beauty in this time.

Yet not every night feels this way. There is darkness that is fear-inducing instead of courage-building, oppressive instead of liberating, troubling instead of secure. While the Lord has been gracious in often showing His presence, I feel as though much of the last year was shrouded in various degrees of this disorienting darkness, and I've grown to lose my love of the night.

I don't like it. 

As 2012 began the Lord started showing me that while a new year may not bring all the changes I desire to see, He can change the way I see. You remember why I loved the night when I was young? I read Scripture by a single light while surrounded in darkness and it is there that I grew to know Him. 
This year I'm not asking for all the dark things to be lifted, I'm asking for that single light to grow stronger while I grow closer to my God. Yes, I'm looking for resolution. Yes, I'm looking for clarity. Yes, I'm looking for miracles. But I want to receive these blessings by focusing on my single Light.

I'm excited to see what this year has in store, sweet friends. I have a feeling God is preparing great things for us! Let me know if you've chosen a word, or if you're like me, choose one now! Thanks for wandering with me. Be blessed.

For it is you who light my lamp;
the Lord my God lightens my darkness.
Psalm 18:28