Write to Know

I have a draft folder full of ideas and intro paragraphs from last fall. They're full of ideas about growth and moving forward that are all anchored in this profound concept of being known. I was full of confidence and a touch of arrogance in the progress I had made in knowing myself, in feeling sure about who I was and where I was going.

And then my 27th birthday came and I had another aha moment...my people loved me in ways that showed they knew me. Not just recognized me, but knew the ways I feel most celebrated. I had arrived! I was investing in authentic relationships. I was doing work that I felt fully called to do! 27 was going to be my year! (You see the set up here, right?)

And then my new little love showed up on the scene.

9 Weeks...and in the thick of it for another 15.
Also, I'm still terribly awkward at this. I missed the posing gene!

My stowaway secret wasn't being so secretive. As much as I loved this little life, I didn't recognize that girl in the mirror, the one with the puffy face, the tired eyes, the thrown out back. The one spending way more time on the bathroom floor than being productive. The one without any extra energy for the long talks with her high schoolers.

Was I still me if I wasn't a night owl? the one with the crazy schedule? the coworker always up for lunch? the girl confident with the way she looked? the host always up for opening her home?

And if I wasn't that person, could I still write? Could I write if I wasn't sure I knew myself anymore? Was there even a point?

And of course somewhere in the deep I knew the answer, but in the midst of being wrapped up in the meta, I forgot. I forgot that the good stuff, the words that stick, is rarely written from a place of knowing. It's written from a place of seeking. The writing can start without knowing where it's going to end up. But by going through the process, that sense of being known, the sense of knowing assures us that we've arrived.

So here we are, on the cusp of a big transition.

38 Weeks

It's one where I'm learning myself all over again...and over and over and over again. But this time I'm writing to remember that's exactly what God intended. To stay humble, to keep a posture of leaning in, to kindle the desire to keep seeking Truth and Beauty, we have to stretch and evolve and lose and rediscover.

So, sweet boy of mine, your momma is going to flounder here for a bit. But I promise you, she'll keep writing to know and to be known and to show you there is joy in the seeking. Because God promises that whose who seek will find, and you can always trust our Jesus at his word. That I very much know.

A Preposition, a Confession, and an Invitation

Prayer.  

Both enigmatic and profoundly intimate.

One of my favorite things about our Jesus is that he's totally fine with the immense limitations of our minds. He offers a multitude of ways to speak about the deep truths, so we can begin to learn more and more about our infinite God. His is a beautiful love, isn't it?

So while a front door explanation of the power of prayer is locked to me, there is a back door that’s swinging open, so let’s try that one.

I’m a language girl through and through. Selecting the right adjectives, explaining grammar rules, aligning verb tenses, using parts of speech in blog titles…I love it all. And while it’s easy to see language as my personal playground or just a necessary tool, scripture makes it clear that our words matter much more than simple amusement or practicalities. Take a look:

“The tongue has the power of life and death.”
Proverbs 18:21

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
Proverbs 12:18

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
Proverbs 16:24

Words hold power. They matter. And there’s one word I haven’t been able to get off my mind: for. I’m particularly overwhelmed by its use in the common expression “I’ll pray for you.”

See, this phrase that I’ve heard since I could stand falls out of my mouth and slams into ears and I don’t think I pause to actually hear what I’m saying.

Continue reading...
Honored to be writing for Thrive today!

Our Little Marriage is Growing Up

The last few weeks have been nice and full of living summer while running out of time to write about summer. But days like to today make me a hard stop to remember and reflect. Four years ago I got to become this guy's wife.

And while I love to reminisce and browse through the photos, I can't help but notice that we're starting to see those dancing eyes and giddy smiles as a bit young and naive. Not any less authentic, but we are starting to use those words If you only knew...

The longer Nate and I are married, the more it feels like a marriage has a lot in common with a new little one. Our baby marriage with it's sparkler love is cute to look at and full of anecdotes. But it still included a fair amount of upheaval and confusion, and it tookseveral months to figure out how to sleep through the night. (Because there's a boy in my bed!)

As we move from our early twenties into our later twenties, our little marriage has grown from a wobbly toddler into an inquisitive preschooler. We don't fall nearly as often as we used to, and we're finding our groove while growing into who we are as a couple and soaking up all the knowledge and insights we can muster.

Our marriage is just a touch older than this little miss.

Our Niece Lydia

I love the way an almost-four-year-old sees the world. She doesn't hesitate to show her awe and wonder, and her little mind constantly connects new ideas to the ones she already has figured out.

And that's where I feel like we are at the four-year mark. Still in awe of this mysterious thing called marriage, figuring things out but learning all the time. And hopefully all of you out there with grown-up marriages are at least a little amused as we grow.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I believe it's the same with a marriage. We had a village cheering us on four years ago when all we really knew is that we loved Jesus and loved each other. That cast of supporting characters has only increased as we dig into those big things like calling and purpose and what our marriage can do for the kingdom.

And even though these four years have peeled away much about what I thought I knew, they've also revealed a little peek at mammoth ideas. Commitment. Forgiveness. Selflessness. Perseverance. Grace.

As blurry as our future may be, I do know I can't wait to grow up with this man of mine. Happy anniversary, sweets.

Thursday Three: In Three Words

We're right in the thick of the craziness of May! And while we've been busy, it's also been a great few weeks. Here's a little peek at the last seven days.

1. Deep. We spent a long weekend in Minneapolis with two couples who just light up our lives. We celebrated Ryan graduating with his Master's Degree, and just generally spent time with each other. It was just about the perfect mix of relaxation, activity, intentionality, authenticity, laughter, and just enough conviction to keep spurring one another toward growth. I'm so thankful for the Six Strands!

2. Full. Full home, full schedule, full table...I tend to think life is pretty epic when fullness is a part of it. This week we hosted a friend for a few days, threw together a little get together on the fly, and spent a few extra hours at work for some fun, upcoming projects. I kind of love it.

3. Alone. While I love keeping life full, I'm also barely an extrovert. So after seeing some of my favorite people for four days in a row, my inner introvert demanded some attention over these last couple of days. Alone time + perfect spring weather = a rejuvenating end to the week.

Happy Thursday, everybody!

Thursday Three: By the Numbers

1. 1393. Consecutive days Nate and I saw each other. We didn't set out to see each other every day, but we got a kick out if it, and I was sad to see our streak end this week.

2. 11.5. Time zones between Nate and me this week. I've been trying to wrap my head around the distance between us, but at some point my mind just short circuits. Even though I can't fully understand the technology that seems far closer to magic, I've had a blast eating my dinner and chatting with Nate while he's eating breakfast.

Hooray for Technology!

3. 3. Trips out of town I've taken while Nate's out of town. I've made a lot of progress over the years, but I don't sit still very well. Ha! This week I've tried to fill my time with a few outings to keep time moving a little easier. I loved visiting my nieces last weekend, but who wouldn't just love some squeezes from these little ones? I also was able to go to nearby town for some me-time, and tomorrow I will finally see in person a certain Dutch heritage festival that I've heard so much about over the last few years. Bring on the Dutch Letters and the poffertjes!

Nothing makes me smile like these smiles!

Happy Thursday, everyone! And hooray for the weekend!

Thursday Three

Thursday Three is back! Last week didn't happen because...Easter. But we're back this week!

1. I love Easter. Yes, I put in some extra hours, and there's much to do at a church to get ready for the day, but it's the best reason in the world to celebrate. This year Easter was everything it should be: constant reminders of redeeming grace, relaxed time with family, singing "Up from the Grave He Arose," little ones in bright, new clothes, gorgeous weather that convinced me winter is actually gone, and these little treasures.

All time favorite Easter candy...it just can't be helped.

2. I love how some of the best things in life can't be planned. This week we planned a midweek date to try out a downtown restaurant. We ended up walking through a road race celebration only to find that the restaurant was located directly at the race's starting line. We didn't plan that. We couldn't have planned that. We watched several thousand people start their one-mile race from our table, and on our walk back to the car, we watched a U.S. Silver Medalist win the men's championship race. Even though we are very much not runners, we were speechless. Unless laughing counts as speaking...then we had a lot to say.

Our faces on the car ride home. Hilarious!

3. I love big questions. Last night my high schoolers were asking some big questions. The ones that we don't have a feel-good answer for. The ones that I have legitimately say, "I don't know." I've always loved knowing the right answer. But I also love that my Jesus doesn't let me know everything. And I love watching my girls wrestle with their faith.

Thursday Three

I'm still working toward getting posts completed between Thursdays, but until then...here we go!

1. I love my job, but sometimes working at a church is hard. Admitting this in a public space feels strange, but that's been the kind of week it's been. It's an honor to help prepare everything for Easter, but like every job, it has its stressors. This week has had a few. Tonight I'm thinking about one of my favorite Easter lessons: Friday is brutal, and Saturday is dark, but Sunday always comes. Thank you, Jesus!

2. Vitamin D + a little sweat = Ahhhh... This week may have stressful, but spring is finally showing off! After work the sun was still shining, and the warm breeze cheered us on as we went for a little jog to clear our heads. How is it that I so easily forget how simple things can make the biggest difference? (Hitting up Chick-fil-A after the run was also a great way to celebrate the end of the week. Ha!)

3. My brothers are the best! It's National Sibling Day! I've sung their praises here before, but seriously, they're amazing. This week has reminded me of just how lucky I am to count both Nathan and Andrew among my best friends. While growing up they made sure to inform me of the many, many reasons I was lucky to be the youngest. They just didn't realize that the best part of being the baby is getting to call them my big brothers.

I tend to be laughing in all of our pictures together.

See what I mean?

That's all for this week, everyone! Have a great weekend.

Thursday Three

My brilliant friend Samantha has been writing her Thursday Three for quite a while as a way to share a little glimpse of her week and celebrate the imminent weekend without getting too bogged down by the Friday Five and the pressure to make every week look amazing. I think she's on to something pretty great here, so I asked if I could tag along. All that to say, here's my first Thursday Three! (Check out Samantha's writing, as well. You won't be disappointed.)

1. Hosting strangers is intriguing, and I love it. Last year Nate and I took this class, and it completely rocked our world. This year we volunteered on the Coordinating Team and hosted half a dozen class instructors over the last few months. Washing the sheets that often and keeping the house clean and tidy is sometimes less than convenient, but the conversations that come from sharing space are a special treasure. Plus, anyone comfortable to start messing with our decor after a few nights with us is pretty awesome in my opinion!

Best Fez is far more inspiration than the original message, don't you agree?

2. High schoolers have stolen my heart. I help lead a small group of junior girls, and as much as they drive me crazy, they also light up my life. Last weekend I had the privilege of being on a panel of women answering questions from high school girls. The vulnerability of both the students and the women on the panel once again stirred my passion for this generation. I can't wait to see what God has in store for these ladies!

3. My niece is the most honest and accurate person I know. Lydia got a good dose of dominant DNA from my side of the family, so the poor girl is destined for years of comparison to my childhood photos.

My cousin Aimee and I are showing off the best of 1990 on the left. Lydia's grin is on the right.

Lydia also inherited a lot of the way my brother and I think, as well. While she's more tactful than most adults I know, she's brutally honest. I talked with her on the phone today, and after we had gone through the many subjects relevant to a 3-year-old, she announced, "Dad, I'm tired from talking with Aunt Anne." Conversation over. But I totally agree, little one, small talk can be exhausting.

A Year of Inviting

A year ago I joined a group of dreamers...a word that still sounds so foreign to me. But we spent the year getting to know each other, sharing the wins and the setbacks, encouraging each other, and yes, dreaming.

In 2013 my dream focused on inviting others into our home and into our lives. Community is often messy and hard and inconvenient, but it's also refreshing, vital, and life-giving. And so we invite each other in.

2013 was a year of learning what this looked like for us. We did little things like sharing meals and throwing a few parties. A summer intern working at our church lived in our basement. Another friend stayed for a week while his family moved. We had friends stay in our home even though we were out of town. Our backyard filled up with people we love and people we hadn't yet met.

A year ago I didn't know who I would be inviting into our home, but I knew what I wanted our guests, our friends to find when they arrived. A place of comfort, of grace. A place of equal parts deep conversation and light-hearted merriment. A place of peaceful welcome.

A place that reflected our hearts.

My home is far from perfect, and my heart has so much room to grow. This year saw quite a few failures and forgotten goals, but the yeses we said in 2013 are producing growth that extends into 2014. And that's how I'll measure my success.

Happy New Year, dear friends. Looking forward to seeing all God has in store!

6 years.

6 years ago I walked across campus to meet my guy while the snow fell.

Today I decorated for Christmas with that same guy while the snow fell.

6 years can change a lot of things, but he is still my favorite.

Our relationship, our marriage is still just a baby, but reflecting on our few years shows me that we're changing and growing and writing a great story. And since it's the season for favorite things, here's 6 reasons why I just can't stop loving him.

1. Those honest eyes.
I may tease him for his inability to hide a thing. But it's his transparency is what drew me to him 6 years ago and I still love he shows me everything with a look.

2. He makes me laugh.
He just does. It's the best.

3. He holds me.
The last three years have thrown a lot at us, but he's carried me through the hardest parts.

4. He makes me better.
Nate's a planner. I am not. Nate's organized. I am not. He loves me despite my rough edges, but he also smooths them out.

5. The way he works.
Nate is faithful in the little things. He works hard and remains humble.

6. He loves Jesus.
And he spurs me toward loving Jesus more, too.

*          *          *

Happy six years, sweet man. I love that I get to keep dating you, 

and I can't wait to see what the next six years will bring.

Day 31: United States of America

We made it to the end of the month! Hopefully this has been a learning journey for you. It definitely has been for me! If you have stuck around throughout this little challenge, do you mind leaving a comment? I'd love to know your thoughts!

When we began the month, the United States government was shut down. And yet the order in our day to day lives stayed relatively the same. There are still too many living in poverty within our borders, and yet just yesterday we saw that an average Haitian earns $790 annually. We face extremely real foreign threats, and yet we don't think about anyone invading our city on a daily basis.

The United States faces many significant issues and challenges that break our hearts. And yet we must remember that we are part of a world in which the majority of our brothers and sister live in very different circumstances.

And perhaps that's where we'll land with this 31 day experiment. My prayer for my home country is to live with an awareness of others. Others living in our neighborhoods, living in our cities, living in the world around us. Lord, let us not be consumed with ourselves. May we be satisfied solely in You.

American Quick Facts:
Population: 317.7 million
Primary Industry: Technology, Industry, Natural Resources, Agriculture, Service
Annual Income per Person: $47,440
Political System: Democracy
Primary Religion: Christianity
All facts found in Operation World.

Papa, let Your name be made great in our country, let it change our heart and the way we live our lives. Take away our complacency and replace it with an authentic care and love for others. In a nation that loves to celebrate celebrity, may You be known as the only one worthy of glory. Amen

Day 30: Haiti

Though I've never been there myself, Haiti holds a special place in my heart.

The Haitians have endured so much poverty and corruption and natural devastation, but their spirit seems to penetrate those who visit in a unique way. It's a place that's stolen the hearts of dear friends and revived my mom.

This is a special nation facing many complex, challenging issues. The public has been made aware of many, but the reality of life in Haiti is not one to easily grasp. We do know there is Someone who does know the intricacies of these hardships. Let's turn our attention there.

Haitian Quick Facts
Population: 10.2 million
Primary Industry: Aid Relief
Annual Income per Person: $790
Political System: Unstable
Primary Religion: Christianity (Typically coupled with voodoo and witchcraft)
All facts found in Operation World

Lord Jesus, we pray for Haiti tonight. So many of our prayers this month have echoed one another, and we ask that in the midst of repeated sentiments and incoherent thoughts, You would hear the heart of our prayer...free the nations from oppression and let them walk in the light and truth. We want to make Your name great, and we love how the Haitian church loves You. Let us learn from our brothers and sisters and give you glory. Dear Jesus, You deserve it. Amen

Day 29: Syria

Syria...

I've been avoiding this one hoping I could fill the month without trying to articulate any coherent thoughts on this broken nation.

But when I read things like this and watch things like this, I just can't fill this space with anything else tonight.

But here's the deal. I have nothing to offer on the topic. No new ideas or thoughtful perspective. No perfectly chosen words or nice arrangement of argument. All I have is hurt and angst, and come, Lord Jesus, we desperately need saving.

These are our brothers and sisters. Let's cry out as though we truly believe it.

Syrian Quick Facts
Population: 22.6 million
Primary Industry: Agriculture, Oil, Tourism
Annual Income per Person: $2,768
Political System: Civil War
Primary Religion: Islam
All facts found in Operation World

Father God, we have no words for the things happening in Syria. It would be so much easier if we could be contentedly ignorant of all that is happening halfway around the world, but we are not. Therefore, we are responsible. We ache for Your people, for the violence, the disease, the displacement, the seemingly unending conflict. We pray that they would know the Prince of Peace. We plead that You would be their comfort. Lord Jesus, we need saving. Show Your strength to Syria. Amen

Day 28: Belgium

Today our lead pastor is taking off for a missions trip to a few partnerships is Europe. One of the places he is visiting is Brussels, Belgium. Belgium doesn't exactly get a lot of attention, especially compared to its power-player neighbors: Germany, France, and the Netherlands.

But Belgium has is quite unique. The city of Brussels has a population of 1.1 million people, and is home to over 45 different nationalities of 1,000 people or more including Eastern European, North African, Turkish, and Kurdish populations. This is a clear case of God bringing the nations together!

The spiritual climate of the country tends to be one of apathy. Faith issues are not typically a part of the public sphere. Let's pray for the gospel to take root in Belgium, for the many nations to find their hope in Jesus, and take that hope to their home countries.

Belgian Quick Facts
Population: 10.7 million
Primary Industry: Engineering & Metal Products
Annual Income per Person: $47,289
Political System: Constitutional Monarchy
Primary Religion: Christian
All facts found in Operation World

Lord, we praise You for the work You are doing in Belgium. We see You moving despite the apathetic spirit that is so prevalent. We ask that You would ignite a passion for You among the people of Belgium and that this passion would spread to all the different nationalities and people groups currently calling this country home. Our finite minds cannot comprehend the impact You can create, so we just ask that You would do more than we can ask or imagine. Bring glory to Your name. Amen

Day 27: Scripture

Today has been the day of rest we've needed for several weeks. Instead of moving on to another nation tonight, let's focus on the purpose of this month's adventure.

"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;
   make known his deeds among the peoples!
Sing to him, sing praises to him;
   tell of all his wondrous works!
Sing to the Lord, all the earth!
   Tell of his salvation from day to day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
   his marvelous works among all the peoples!"
1 Chronicles 16:8-9, 23-24

We give thanks to You, Lord! Shape our heart to reflect

 and declare your glory among the nations! Amen

Day 26: Argentina

I realized today that haven't given South America enough love yet this month, so let's chat about Argentina!

Argentina is the eighth largest country in regards to land mass, and is home to both the Andes Mountains and the Pacific coastline. It's history is as diverse as it's landscape. Ancient civilizations gave way to colonization, which in turn led to the independent republic it is today.

In recent history the country has persevered through a tumultuous economic crisis from 1999-2002. While great strides have been made in this area, we can continue to pray for increased political and economic stability. The Argentinean Church has grown steadily since the 1980s, especially showing unity and strength during the economic crisis. They also have a well-developed prison ministry throughout the country that has led an estimated 25% of inmates to profess Christianity.

Argentinean Quick Facts
Population: 40.7 million
Primary Industry: Natural Resources and Agriculture
Annual Income per Person: $8,171
Political System: Democracy
Primary Religion: Christian (Primarily Catholic)
All facts found in Operation World

Lord, we thank You for Your sustaining power in the nation of Argentina. We ask that You would continue to heal the nation from the other injustices that came to light in the economic crisis. We praise You for the amazing work You are doing in the prisons and ask that this impact would reach beyond the confines of the prison walls. We praise You for the diverse land and people You have created and ask that You would be made great in this land! Amen

Day 25: Saudi Arabia

Tonight we watched the movie 42, and we once again marveled at the courage of those who boldly and steadily crossed the lines of segregation (and the awesomeness of baseball, but that's another post for another time). Then I read an article about women in Saudi Arabia protesting their inability to drive. Again, people courageously crossing the lines of oppression.

Women's rights is a hot button issue for me, so that's where I primarily focus when it comes to Saudi Arabia. It is important, however, to remember that the Church is under persecution in this country, as well. As the birthplace of Islam, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to be a Christian and imposes many challenges to witnessing and growing the Saudi Church. While we enjoy our freedom to practice religion, let us remember our brothers and sisters who are courageously crossing the lines of faith.

Saudi Quick Facts
Population: 26.3 million
Primary Industry: Oil
Annual Income per Person: $18,855
Political System: Monarchy
Primary Religion: Islam
All facts found in Operation World

Father, we thank You for the nation of Saudi Arabia and for the millions of people whom You love dearly. We pray Isaiah 61 over this country-that the Spirit of the Lord would be upon it, that the good news would be brought to the poor, that the brokenhearted would be healed, that the captive would be set free. Lord, we pray especially for the women living in Saudi Arabia. Let them know they are loved by You, that they are free in You, that they are Your daughters. And encourage Your Church. Give them courage to stay faithful, and give us courage to stay faithful to them in prayer. Amen

Day 24: Indonesia

When I was in middle school we hosted a foreign exchange student from Indonesia. Learning about an Eastern culture was fascinating and has continued to leave quite an impression on me.

Indonesia is an island nation that consists of hundreds of distinct ethnic groups. The Joshua Project states that there are 780 people groups in Indonesia, and several hundred of these people groups are considered unreached. Islam is the primary religion of the nation, but the evangelical population has steadily increased over the last 50 years. Let's pray for this growth to continue and increase!

Indonesian Quick Facts
Population: 232.5 million
Primary Industry: Service Industry, Natural Resources
Annual Income per Person: $2,239
Political System: Democracy
Primary Religion: Islam
All facts found in Operation World

Lord, we praise You for the many diverse people of Indonesia. I love how 
You love them all and created them each with a purpose. Help us to love 
them like You do. We ask that You would be working mightily in the nation, 
that their poor human rights record would begin to change. We praise You 
for growing the Indonesian church and ask that Your Truth would be made 
known in big ways. Place a heart of discontent among the people, and 
set their minds on seeking truth. Draw them near to You, Lord. Amen

Day 23: Germany

Today has been full of serving at a church event and hosting dear friends, so we're once again going to keep things brief.

Since we've covered Nate's country of origin, I thought we'd cover mine, as well. Germany's post-WW2 history is quite familiar to us. Let's praise God for the increased political stability! Christianity has been declining in recent history, however, leaving a great need for spiritual reawakening.

German Quick Facts
Population: 82.1 million
Primary Industry: Industrial Goods
Annual Income per Person: $44,729
Political System: Democracy
Primary Religion: Christian
All facts found in Operation World

Father God, I lift up Germany to You. They are placed in such a strategic location and position of influence that it excites me to think of what could happen if Your truth and love took root and multiplied throughout the nation. And yet as much as I can dream, I know You can and will do more than we can ask of imagine. We praise You for the work You've done in Germany and ask that You would draw our brothers and sisters near to You and show them just how real You are. I thank You for my family history and the line of people in which You placed me. You bless beyond measure. Amen

Day 22: Uganda

Uganda holds a special place in our hearts, as it is the home of our other Compassion child, whom I (Nate) sponsored while in college. His name is Emmanuel, and he's awesome.

The nation itself faces many problems as civil war and disease, particularly AIDS, have historically crippled the country economically and socially. According to Operation World, the Lord's Resistance Army has displaced nearly two million and taken lives in excess of 120,000 people. Within this movement, children are susceptible to "recruitment" as sex slaves and/or child soldiers.

Emmanuel

The church in Uganda has experienced a lot of growth over the past few decades, and we can praise God for renewal movements and the presence and planting of churches throughout the country. Superficial Christianity is a problem faced by the church, and there is a growing population of Muslims in the country, challenging the further growth of Christianity.

Ugandan Quick Facts
Population: 33.7 million
Primary Industry: Agriculture
Annual Income per Person: $455
Political System: Democracy
Primary Religion: Christian
All facts found in Operation World

Lord, we pray for the people of Uganda. You have created every square inch of this beautiful nation and you know and love each and every one of its people. We ask that you would, with your power as the Great Physician, allow the success of the work of those laboring against AIDS and other diseases that plague this people. Would you please continue to allow the growth of churches and prayer and church planting movements in Uganda that your gospel might be known throughout the land and every knee bow and every tongue confess and praise you as Lord. Amen.